I should know better

I have a degree in nutrition so I should know better. I have put on weight like many people do. I exercise and eat healthy but I admit I have not been eating as clean as i used to. it is time to change. no more excuses. i am also seriously considering going back to being vegan. i dont like the idea of eating animal flesh or supporting the caging of animals. granted, i eat organic and small farmed stuff, but i still dont like the idea of it all. i was vegan for 14 years and miss being able to say that is part of who i am.
i dont like the way i look right now. it is time to stop complaining about it and to start doing something about it. i hope to start writing a weekly blog to chronicle how i am doing.. the good and the bad, but hopefully more good..
i am also feeling quite stressed about school. i am so envious of these people who are so smart and understand everything. i have 2 papers to write and its just not going well.. i often wonder what the hell i am doing and if i am cut out for this.. or anything really..
some days i am just so damn tired of living.. i can't seem to get things to go right.. and just when they seem to be going well, i do something dumb and down i fall.. damn it all to hell...